So this guy was telling me that he can't get over his ex, even after 2 years. I told him I can see myself in him. He told me that it's not supposed to be that way. The girl is not supposed to chase the guy. And I thought, he has a point. I'm not the one who should chase, I should be the one to be chased. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE CHASING :))
Somehow, I got hurt in that conversation. And I thought to myself, why am I the one crying over the break up when I know that I deserve so much better.
The problem is, I have an issue in letting go.. and being alone. Not literally alone, but single.. single is the right word :)) Wait.. not single. Hmm. Replaced maybe? You see people, I have a very low self-esteem. Meaning, I don't see myself as a beautiful person. I think I'm a bit beautiful inside, a bit cute on the outside.. but that's it, no more vanity :)) See, MAYA, I don't love myself as much as you think. =)) Because of this low self-esteem, I'm losing hope in finding the right guy. I was searching for cute guys earlier. I found some.. but no, they didn't notice me :( I liked this certain guy I saw earlier. I got to sit with him the whole bus trip home, and we didn't talk to each other :( I know it's not usual for Filipino guys to talk to random girls, but I liked him. I was really hoping he'd talk to me or something. I imagined him talking to me, then it'll be A START OF SOMETHING NEW, like the high school musical song :3
The conversation I mentioned.. with the guy that can't move on.. I realized that I'm not an ordinary girl. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but if I want something to happen, I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. Like, when I want to be with Amos, I make it happen. When I want to be with my friends, I make it happen. When I want to meet Maroon 5, I MAKE IT HAPPEN YEAAHHHHH~~~!!!!
Maybe it's a bad thing because it's not usual for girls to act like a guy. I mean, I chased Amos because CLEARLY I wanted him back. I looked desperate and pathetic. But, what do you want me to do? Wait? Move on? When I don't really want to move on? Don't you think it will be a bit self destructing?
But, of course, there will be situations like this that.. what I really want must not really happen. Chasing Amos is wrong in so many ways. One, girls do not chase after guys. Second, Amos has a new girlfriend. Third, I deserve so much better than him. Fourth, he does not want me anymore. AND THE LIST GOES ON.
It kills me to know that he's happy with another girl, that I'VE BEEN REPLACED. But at the same time, I feel happy for them. Also happy for myself, that at least.. after all these pain, my love, is very happy.
But my love, someday you will die. Sabi yan ng Death Cad for Cutie.. which is true. :))
I'd rather be dead than to be alive to see you dead. I don't want you to die. I want you to AT LEAST mourn. You loved me once, and what we shared.. It's all priceless. I just want you to show me that you did love me, and you treasure everything, and that you're sad that you lost me.
This is happening all too soon. I wish you had your mourning period or something.
BUT OKAY, THAT'S YOU'RE LIFE-in which I have no control of. I'm sorry.
I'm thinking of deleting your friends and family in facebook.. but they became a part of my life so.. I'm thinking about that THOROUGHLY, because I don't want anything anything ANYTHING about you anymore. Now, GO AWAY. I LOVE YOU.
Somehow, I got hurt in that conversation. And I thought to myself, why am I the one crying over the break up when I know that I deserve so much better.
The problem is, I have an issue in letting go.. and being alone. Not literally alone, but single.. single is the right word :)) Wait.. not single. Hmm. Replaced maybe? You see people, I have a very low self-esteem. Meaning, I don't see myself as a beautiful person. I think I'm a bit beautiful inside, a bit cute on the outside.. but that's it, no more vanity :)) See, MAYA, I don't love myself as much as you think. =)) Because of this low self-esteem, I'm losing hope in finding the right guy. I was searching for cute guys earlier. I found some.. but no, they didn't notice me :( I liked this certain guy I saw earlier. I got to sit with him the whole bus trip home, and we didn't talk to each other :( I know it's not usual for Filipino guys to talk to random girls, but I liked him. I was really hoping he'd talk to me or something. I imagined him talking to me, then it'll be A START OF SOMETHING NEW, like the high school musical song :3
The conversation I mentioned.. with the guy that can't move on.. I realized that I'm not an ordinary girl. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but if I want something to happen, I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. Like, when I want to be with Amos, I make it happen. When I want to be with my friends, I make it happen. When I want to meet Maroon 5, I MAKE IT HAPPEN YEAAHHHHH~~~!!!!
Maybe it's a bad thing because it's not usual for girls to act like a guy. I mean, I chased Amos because CLEARLY I wanted him back. I looked desperate and pathetic. But, what do you want me to do? Wait? Move on? When I don't really want to move on? Don't you think it will be a bit self destructing?
But, of course, there will be situations like this that.. what I really want must not really happen. Chasing Amos is wrong in so many ways. One, girls do not chase after guys. Second, Amos has a new girlfriend. Third, I deserve so much better than him. Fourth, he does not want me anymore. AND THE LIST GOES ON.
It kills me to know that he's happy with another girl, that I'VE BEEN REPLACED. But at the same time, I feel happy for them. Also happy for myself, that at least.. after all these pain, my love, is very happy.
But my love, someday you will die. Sabi yan ng Death Cad for Cutie.. which is true. :))
I'd rather be dead than to be alive to see you dead. I don't want you to die. I want you to AT LEAST mourn. You loved me once, and what we shared.. It's all priceless. I just want you to show me that you did love me, and you treasure everything, and that you're sad that you lost me.
This is happening all too soon. I wish you had your mourning period or something.
BUT OKAY, THAT'S YOU'RE LIFE-in which I have no control of. I'm sorry.
I'm thinking of deleting your friends and family in facebook.. but they became a part of my life so.. I'm thinking about that THOROUGHLY, because I don't want anything anything ANYTHING about you anymore. Now, GO AWAY. I LOVE YOU.
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