The Nameless Blog

So, here I am again with my sadness and loneliness :| For the past few days, something.. moderately big happened in my life, so I paid so much attention into that event that Amos crossed my mind like.. 3 times less than normal. But whenever I think about him, I can't stop thinking about how he's doing.. how THEY're doing. I HONESTLY HONESTLY HONESTLY want Amos to be unhappy all his life without me, but at the same time.. I want him to be happy with his life. I mean, I love him and I want the best for him. But I want him to regret leaving me. It's pointless to live my life just to prove Amos wrong.. but, I think, that's the only thing I can do right now.. without being self destructing.

That moderately big event that happened recently.. it has to do with my self-destructiveness. I regret doing what I did. And I have alcohol to blame for that. But, oh well. It will happen sooner or later anyway.. I just didn't expect it to happen THIS SOON.

Sorry for the people affected. Blame it on the alcohol :|

Do you know how desperate I am to distract myself from thinking about Amos? So desperate that I did what I did. And, even after getting wasted, I still want to drink alcohol everyday, because when I'm drunk, I don't get to control what I think and feel. I don't get to control anything. Because when I control things, I tend to think about Amos.. I tend to want to talk to him, and be with him.

I want to smoke out my lungs to death. I want to drink alcohol everyday. I want to try drugs. I want to kill myself. All of these, just because you left me.

And the reason I won't do those things.. are my friends. MY BEST FRIENDS. And it sucks that I once chose you over them.

Also, I won't do that to myself because I love myself. I love being me.

You are never better than my friends.. and you're never better than me. You are the lowest of the low.

You are an ass hole. I hope you burn in hell.

JOKE, NO. I hope you'd just set things straight and let me.. not hate you anymore.