Today I did what I always do: surf the net FOREVER. I stayed on facebook, twitter, stumble upon, 9gag, and 8tracks. That kept me busy from looking at my cellphone all day, waiting for his text.. and it kept me happy. Well that's depressing isn't it? :))
For the past few days I chose to think about Amos and be sad all over. I listened to very sad songs and I walked slowly and grasped every word in every song's lyrics, hahahaha. I want my moment, guys. It's my moment of grief, don't judge me =))
I downloaded 30 sad songs today :)) For my future slow motion walking moments.
I talked to Amos earlier. I got rejected. It was painful. Maybe he's happy with his life now? Maybe. Probably not. I know him somehow.
So, I'm still depressed. But at least I feel better than earlier today. I don't feel like dying. I feel like.. living. I feel like finding that future boyfriend and flirt with him like there's no tomorrow. Sana he ********* skittles :)))))))) *Dont count the asterisks :))
But I'm a moody person. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll be listening to those sad songs again and cry about it. Then I'd want to kill myself again :)) NO, I WON'T KILL MYSELF. EVER. Too scared of hell.
Amos rejected me. I did so many things to get his approval and this is what I get, rejection madness. I tried being what he wants me to be, because I really want him to come back to me. Be mine again. But no. Apparently, my efforts aren't enough. He told me he doesn't love me anymore, like a hundred times already, while me.. I felt pathetic when I was telling him I love him anyway. Because it's true. I love him. I love him more than anything, than anyone. Even when he stopped loving me. Even when he found another girl.
As you may have noticed, I have issues. It's hard for me to let go of anything, especially the most important person in my life. I think about him everyday. I talk to him as much as my pride lets me.
I should be happy for him. But, no.. I won't lie to myself anymore. I will get hurt and I will accept it. I will deal with it. I will not ignore it.
If only I know how to let go of things.
Everybody has his/her sad story. I'm just experiencing mine, today.
For the past few days I chose to think about Amos and be sad all over. I listened to very sad songs and I walked slowly and grasped every word in every song's lyrics, hahahaha. I want my moment, guys. It's my moment of grief, don't judge me =))
I downloaded 30 sad songs today :)) For my future slow motion walking moments.
I talked to Amos earlier. I got rejected. It was painful. Maybe he's happy with his life now? Maybe. Probably not. I know him somehow.
So, I'm still depressed. But at least I feel better than earlier today. I don't feel like dying. I feel like.. living. I feel like finding that future boyfriend and flirt with him like there's no tomorrow. Sana he ********* skittles :)))))))) *Dont count the asterisks :))
But I'm a moody person. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll be listening to those sad songs again and cry about it. Then I'd want to kill myself again :)) NO, I WON'T KILL MYSELF. EVER. Too scared of hell.
Amos rejected me. I did so many things to get his approval and this is what I get, rejection madness. I tried being what he wants me to be, because I really want him to come back to me. Be mine again. But no. Apparently, my efforts aren't enough. He told me he doesn't love me anymore, like a hundred times already, while me.. I felt pathetic when I was telling him I love him anyway. Because it's true. I love him. I love him more than anything, than anyone. Even when he stopped loving me. Even when he found another girl.
As you may have noticed, I have issues. It's hard for me to let go of anything, especially the most important person in my life. I think about him everyday. I talk to him as much as my pride lets me.
I should be happy for him. But, no.. I won't lie to myself anymore. I will get hurt and I will accept it. I will deal with it. I will not ignore it.
If only I know how to let go of things.
Everybody has his/her sad story. I'm just experiencing mine, today.
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