When will it be my turn to be happy again?

Things I realized today: People change. Sounds cliche, right? But it's true. It's the same person with a different personality, and a different point of view. He or she may have the same memory, the same experiences, but not the feelings. Feelings change, and that's just how the world goes.

My feelings will change someday. Maybe someone clicked the slow motion button on my life remote. I still can't understand why I am still feeling these feelings. 8 months and everything that had happened to me should be enough. But no. I'm still here. What's wrong with me?

Now, all I can do is to trust God. And believe, that everything has a reason. And every problem, every pain, every challenge that I'm experiencing today, is given to me because God knows I can overcome all these.

I really don't know what to say to myself anymore. I don't know what are the right words to say to make myself feel better. I wish I could just push that fast forward button.

I just want to live my life without anything to worry about. It's my choice anyway. It's my choice to think about everything that I am thinking about. I wish I just have no control of myself. I wish I could just crush my heart into non-existence.

When will it be my turn to be happy again?