Unorganized thoughts

I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in fairy tale endings, and I hope to have mine someday, soon.

I am over my ex, I think. It's been almost a year. He has his new girlfriend and frankly, I'm not that bothered about them anymore. I feel relieved that I'm not his girlfriend anymore. Guys, you have NO IDEA how much of a jerk Amos is. Sure he loves his woman, but when you know what he's up to, you should be scared. ANYWAY. I don't think about him that much anymore. In fact, I only think about him when other people mention him. Well, I've been thinking about him lately because we saw each other by coincidence last week. And, it was not awkward. :thumbsup:

So, yea, I kind of like this guy. Do you know what I realized tonight? That I don't actually like him. I mean, I like him. But I don't like him, to the point that I'd be all depressed about it when he rejects me. Honestly, it's okay. I'd feel a bit sad about it, but not depressed. I don't actually want him to be my boyfriend. I just want some inspiration. If he'd be my boyfriend, then great! But if not, I'M FINE WITH IT. As I've been telling you Monty, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE ME. :)))

I just need someone to flirt with, to distract me from the horrible things the world has to give. So yea, I'm addicted to love. Love has been the most important thing to me ever since I've watched my fairy tales. I will NEVER give up on the idea that my prince is somewhere out there, searching for me.

Frankly, I don't see Monty as my prince. I see him as an awesome dude that would really make me happy if ever we'd be together. But no, we will not be together, ever. I think.

Maybe this is my defense mechanism? Making excuses just to feel better about Monty NOT liking me. Hmm. I don't know. I'm still getting to know myself better, so.. bear with me people. :))

I'm confused. I'm sad, at the same time, I'm not. I've decided to lay low on Monty's business. Sure, I will miss him. But, you know what, I'm fine. Heeeee, this could be a sign. I'm not yet in love with him. AWW YEAA.

I don't think I'm ready to totally sacrifice myself again to anyone, anyway. After Amos, I've been feeling hesitant on giving away feelings for anyone. This feeling for Monty, what the hell, this just happened. This was not my choice. I just realized one day that I'm freaking attracted to him. That one day when I realized that I was searching for him. I wanted him to talk to me, and notice me. It was something even I had a hard time to accept. He was not my type. There's just something about him. I don't know.

I don't want to fall in love with him, please God.

Hey, someone will appreciate me someday. 8->