I'm not heartbroken so this entry won't probably have much sense. My heart is happy tonight. Monty. You make my heart happy, you freaking lazy spoiled ass shit.
I'm still overwhelmed by the idea that he's in love with me. I can't believe it at first, but lately his actions are.. touching. Is that the right term? :)) It feels like as if I'm the most important person in his world right now. It was worrying at first, but lately.. I'm grateful. I'm very thankful to have found someone who would actually love me this much. :)
But, the problem is, I'm not yet ready to commit again. I mean, I'm ready to be exclusive again, but I'm not yet ready to give myself up, as much as I did during my previous relationship. I just lost so much of myself that I'm now afraid to lose who I am again. See, after the break up, I was such a disaster (Read previous blog entries for proof). I'm really thankful for my friends because they're the ones who helped me build up myself again. I'd also like to thank alcohol, I PROBABLY couldn't have done it without you. Grabe, I love my friends. That's why, this time, I'll make sure that I will have time for you guys.
That's why I couldn't love you as much as you love me. I'm scared. I'm afraid of what might happen if ever you'd leave me. That's why I need to be sure of us first. Am I some weak shit? :|
Please don't get me wrong, I really do love you. I just won't let myself be stupid again, and give up everything for a guy. Not yet :|
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