Hopelessness is killing meeeeeeeeee.

Just finished watching P.S. I love you. I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE :)) Grabe talaga. No one's too young for love! If it's love, then it is! No matter what your age is, no matter who you are, IT'S WHAT IT IS.

Imma watch Blue Valentine laterrrr :3 Iiyak rin ba ko dun? SANA. :)) I want to be depressed and sad. Hay. I want to be in love again. I feel like I'm missing something. I mean, I'm doing something wrong. OTHER THAN, NOT BEING ABLE TO MOVE ON FROM THAT STUPID STUPID STUPID BOY. It feels like.. I don't know. It's there, but it isn't. NO ONE'S REALLY GETTING THIS, I BET. :))

I WILL SOMEDAY MEET MY FUTURE HUSBAND.

MEMORIES ARE HAUNTING ME

Sorry for this.

Do you know how painful it is to imagine you, holding another hand, kissing another lips, looking through somebody's eyes. Do you know how I could still feel them all, your hands in my hands, your lips on my lips, your eyes staring at my eyes. And the feeling of just being with you. Do you know how excruciatingly vivid my memories of you are? Our last kiss. Our last laugh. Our last fun time together.

I WISH THESE MEMORIES COULD JUST LEAVE ME.

Remember the time I was taking care of you when you were sick. That happened twice actually.

Hmm, now things you did for me. Remember this? Our fake marriage contract? :)) You gave it to me for.. our anniversary or my birthday? I can't remember, I'm sorry :)) And honestly I didn't like it :( I liked the flowers with it, hihi thanks :">

Remember the time I cooked for you, then it failed, but you ate the whole thing :)) You told me it was delicious but it's really not =))))))))))))))))))))) I LOVE THAT MOMENT :)))

Thanks for the lomo cam pala. It's still here. Sorry I don't use it much. Didn't even manage to get the films developes. WHO DEVELOPS 120 FILMS KASI :)) I had an adaptor for it to be 35mm pero NAKAKATAMAD PA DIN SORRY. :)) Someday, when all the film expires :)))))))) HAY MAPADEVELOP NA NGA YUNG MGA FILM :(

I just wish I could make you feel my love everyday. I don't want all of these to come to waste. I wish I could just stop feeling these feelings. Can I just be numb instead, please God? :( Pero.. I will not feel happiness, so wag na lng pala. Remove pain na lang please :3

You know what, I love you. I don't know until when, but today it feels like I'll be stuck on you forever. And if you don't appreciate what I feel, then okay. I'll try my hardest to accept that, and the fact that I missed my chance and now you don't care about me at all.

I just wish you were right. I wish everything you told me was true. I wish when you told me that you died already, YOU REALLY DID DIE.

Oh, how I wish you're happy.

ALAM MO NAWALA NA KO SA MOMENT. NAAASAR AKO E. ANG TANGA.May autonomous status pang nalalaman ang UST. ANO BA, IGOOGLE NYO MUNA MEANING NUNG AUTONOMOUS STATUS PLEASE. AT MALACANANG NA NAG ANNOUNE, TINATALO NYO PA.

Joseph Guillermo - Magkaiba ang Autonomous sa Sovereign. Unless bansa na pala ang UST.

----YAN I LOVE THAT PERSON.

I feel like dancing

500 Days of Summer talaga e. IT ALWAYS REMINDS ME TO BELIEVE IN DESTINY. If it's meant to happen, it will happen. And if he doesn't come back, then there's the answer to my questions.

Why let the past and future control my now? I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I'M LETTING IT.

Do you know what sucks? That I remember EVERYTHING. But what's good about that is.. I remember every lesson. I've learned so many things in my years with him. Now I know what and what not to do, what's right and what's wrong. It just sucks that I have to give him up to learn all these lessons. But as they say, pain is the best teacher. We all have to experience pain to truly learn the most important lessons in life.

I'm going to take care of myself and not let anyone control me. But the guidance said that I'm a super tolerant woman. I let people control me. I don't want to lead people but I want them to lead me. And it's true. So, I will let people control me, but I shall choose who, who to give control of my life. Definitely not Amos. :)) I shall let Sandwich control my life. HIS CUTENESS, SO POWERFUL.

I just want to delete these memories please. Just the lessons. Leave the lessons.

Sabi ni Megan Fox.. The more you show a person you can't live without them, you are giving more reasons for them to take you for granted. So that made me want to stop talking to Amos. Thank you Megan Fox for snapping the shit out of me. :))

I realized that I'm just punishing myself everytime I think about Amos. I won't let Amos affect me again. HOPEFULLY.

I want Megan Fox's line tattooed on my arm, please? :))

It's time to die.

Wanted: Someone Better

I am torturing myself. I keep on thinking about him. I wish I'm always with my friends, they're always there to remind me that Amos doesn't deserve me, and I'm better of without him. Thank you friends so much >:D<

Later, while I'll be on my way to school, I'll be listening to Christina Perri, Adele, Mumford and Sons, Cat Power, Regina Spektor, and other artists who sing sad songs. :)) I WILL HAVE MY SLOW MOTION MOMENT LATERR. Because I am sad and alone. SANA HINDI ABSENT SI SHENE AT MAYA LATER. I DON'T WANT TO BE SADDER :((

I wish Amos is really in love with that.. PERSON. I wish it's not like a relationship rebound or something. Because if it is, then he wouldn't be really be happy. Then this pain would be for nothing. I will accept this pain because this is what he wants. I mean, this is what's supposed to happen. I don't really want to be someone who'd ruin true love. I wish that's true love. It's like.. sacrificing myself :)) Now, that's true love.

I shall be happy alone. I shall be prepared for the next man. SOMEDAY. SOMEDAY I WILL GET OVER AMOS AND BE HAPPY. JUST LIKE HOW I GOT OVER MY EX BEFORE AMOS. To be honest, I got over that certain ex because I got together with Amos. So, prang rebound ko si Amos. So, THIS ISN'T TRUE LOVE?!?!!??!?! I WISH.

IF IT'S MEANT TO HAPPEN, IT WILL HAPPEN. I shall remember that, always. I should repeat that in my head over and over and over again. Just to remind myself, THAT THERE IS SOMEONE BETTER FOR ME, OUT THERE.

But for now, I WILL MOVE ON. THEN I'LL BE HAPPY. THEN, I'LL FALL IN LOVE AGAIN WHEN I'M READY.

Teach me how to let go, please.

Today I did what I always do: surf the net FOREVER. I stayed on facebook, twitter, stumble upon, 9gag, and 8tracks. That kept me busy from looking at my cellphone all day, waiting for his text.. and it kept me happy. Well that's depressing isn't it? :))

For the past few days I chose to think about Amos and be sad all over. I listened to very sad songs and I walked slowly and grasped every word in every song's lyrics, hahahaha. I want my moment, guys. It's my moment of grief, don't judge me =))

I downloaded 30 sad songs today :)) For my future slow motion walking moments.

I talked to Amos earlier. I got rejected. It was painful. Maybe he's happy with his life now? Maybe. Probably not. I know him somehow.

So, I'm still depressed. But at least I feel better than earlier today. I don't feel like dying. I feel like.. living. I feel like finding that future boyfriend and flirt with him like there's no tomorrow. Sana he ********* skittles :)))))))) *Dont count the asterisks :))

But I'm a moody person. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll be listening to those sad songs again and cry about it. Then I'd want to kill myself again :)) NO, I WON'T KILL MYSELF. EVER. Too scared of hell.

Amos rejected me. I did so many things to get his approval and this is what I get, rejection madness. I tried being what he wants me to be, because I really want him to come back to me. Be mine again. But no. Apparently, my efforts aren't enough. He told me he doesn't love me anymore, like a hundred times already, while me.. I felt pathetic when I was telling him I love him anyway. Because it's true. I love him. I love him more than anything, than anyone. Even when he stopped loving me. Even when he found another girl.

As you may have noticed, I have issues. It's hard for me to let go of anything, especially the most important person in my life. I think about him everyday. I talk to him as much as my pride lets me.

I should be happy for him. But, no.. I won't lie to myself anymore. I will get hurt and I will accept it. I will deal with it. I will not ignore it.

If only I know how to let go of things.

Everybody has his/her sad story. I'm just experiencing mine, today.