I'm starting to think that I haven't really gotten over Amos. I mean seriously, I can't fully understand what these feelings inside me mean. Maybe it was the same as Amos' when he told me "You'll always have a place in my heart." and all that bullshit. He'll always be special, I guess. He's the first man to make me feel like I'm someone different. That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? That's how I feel anyway. It still stings inside whenever I see another woman beside him: one of the perks of Facebook.. you'll always be thoroughly updated, and it comes in pictures too! -_-"
Do you know that feeling of peace when you're with a certain person? That feeling of being meant to be, like you're supposed to be together and stay that way 'til the end? Well, that's exactly how I feel about him. I've been living in denial of that feeling because I've somehow accepted the fact that we won't be getting back together anytime soon. We have our own lives now. And frankly, I just don't want to feel that sadness and disappointment of not having him, just flow around me anymore. I just want to be happy, you know? I just don't know how to let this one go. I don't know how to handle my feelings when I've been feeling this way for the last 4 years.
Do you know that feeling of peace when you're with a certain person? That feeling of being meant to be, like you're supposed to be together and stay that way 'til the end? Well, that's exactly how I feel about him. I've been living in denial of that feeling because I've somehow accepted the fact that we won't be getting back together anytime soon. We have our own lives now. And frankly, I just don't want to feel that sadness and disappointment of not having him, just flow around me anymore. I just want to be happy, you know? I just don't know how to let this one go. I don't know how to handle my feelings when I've been feeling this way for the last 4 years.
6 comments:
Given the chance, would you take him back?
GAH. There's a comment. :O
I don't know, really. Probably, no. Spending time with my current boyfriend made me realize what had been missing from my previous relationship. This bliss is nowhere compared to what I have felt with Amos. I guess I still feel this way about him because he's the first man to ever truly love me, he'll always have a special place in my heart.
Deep down, are you still wishing, even in the back of your mind, that somehow, he feels the same way for you?
Of course, yes. Why not? I wish that I'm still special to him. I mean, we had been together for 2 years, I mean, that counts as something special, right?
It's been so long, I already forgot the feeling of being with him. :(
Yes, I think so. But I do think guys jest tend to let go sooner than girls do. Anyway do you still have any means of communication?
Answering you after two long years!! Nope, Amos an I don't talk to each other anymore. I understand now what I felt when I made this blog entry. It's the feeling of first love. As said repeatedly in this blog, Amos is the first guy to ever make me feel special and loved and nothing could ever change that. Nothing could ever replace what he is in my life. But first love is first love, and everything happens for a reason. I guess God was preparing me for someone more special and I'm hoping I've already found him.
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