My life sucks because..

I don't want my boyfriend anymore, yet he's still there even though I told him I don't want him anymore a million times.

I have to leave my boyfriend to be happy.

my boyfriend is strict and he sucks out all the fun there is in my life.

my friends don't like my boyfriend.

I always have to pick: my friends or my boyfriend.

I need to leave my boyfriend, but I don't want to and he forces me not to leave him.

I hate how my mother cooks.

I got the wrong course

I am now an average student.

I am not creative, and my course requires me to be creative.

I don't have money, which is needed for everyday living.

I don't have a summer job, even if I need and want one. And my parents don't care.

The Impossible Dream

"I want a relationship that is just right, not like what's happening now, it's too much. I want us to have time for ourselves. I want neither my world to depend on you, nor your world to depend on me. I want us to prioritize our studies, then ourselves, and then our relationship. We should trust each other and believe that we will get through everything together. We should let each other grow. The role of each other in each other's life is to be there, and never let each other feel sad and/or lonely."

I just want to be happy. I want everyone that became a part of my life, still be a part of my life. I don't want friendships to end just because of a relationship. That's just stupid. I want a boyfriend who would trust me, and support me no matter what. I am not happy now, but it's not yet too late to fix things up. So, my deal is this: Love me or leave me. Love me in a way that I want to be loved. Give me a relationship that is just right. Or else, you can just leave me. I'm tired of you hurting me, whenever you make simple things overcomplicated. I love you, but I don't want this anymore. I know I should accept who you are, but this just isn't right anymore.

Okay, why am I making a personal message, a blog? It's because I can say my thoughts a little clearer in black and white, and blogs don't have a character limit. And maybe because I don't want to say this to him yet. He would not read this anyway. I will tell him everything sooner or later.

I don't want him to leave me, though. I need him actually. I just need him to be there. I don't know how I can go through life if he chooses to leave me. Have it all, or lose it all.

I just need to let things out.

Happy Ending

I've always wished for a happy ending, or maybe a fairy tale story. I've been too hopeful that my first would be my last, just like in the movies. What is now will be my forever, that's what I wish for. And maybe that's why, no matter how stupid I look to all of you people, in no way will I abandon my love. But, things are turning out in a different way than what I've expected. I finally found Love, but my happy ending is not there. So the question is, should I settle for true love that doesn't have its happy ending, or forget this true love, wish and wait for a better one. But what if the next true love won't come? Maybe my life is supposed to be this way, I should take risks. I can't have everything.

I should have waited. If I could turn back time, I would do everything just the same, except I would've turned back to my chair and looked for my ipod. Goodbye ipod.

People just can't understand how important it is for me to have this moment, this feeling. And at the same time, have this freedom. I have proven my loyalty, and there is no reason not to trust me. I just, love you. Yet, I hate you as much.

I can't fully explain how I am feeling right now. I just want to be happy.

UBAY

Ubay is my name. According to www.baby-names-and-stuff.com, "The name Ubay is a baby boy name. The baby name Ubay originated as an African name. In African, the name Ubay means - old arabic name. " So, according to that, I'm supposed to be a male. Maybe that's why I act like a boy! And maybe that's why I'm somehow curious about the female anatomy! Well, I'm curious about anything, so whatever.

Anyway.
I will be using English throughout this blog site, hopefully, because I want to improve my English skills. So, if you see anything here that is in wrong grammar, feel free to tell me. Either by this site, or by Yahoo!Messenger: ubaaaay@yahoo.com.

This is a blog about what I know about myself.

I am no journalist, obviously. I'm just a person who is fond of saying what she has to say, in a very random way. Well, I would be saying everything here in English(see above).

I am moody, ask my boyfriend! He's the one to suffer whenever I feel like I'm mad. I would put it all on him, that's how bad I am for a girlfriend. I'm sorry dikko.

I am not special. Though I haven't met people exactly like me, I feel like I'm not worthy of getting any attention. I'm not saying I would not love getting attention, I ridiculously do. But, there are tons of people out there better than me, that's why I'm very curious why my boyfriend would pick me to date.

I don't know. Maybe my mind's twisted, because I feel like an important person. Okay, that's one of the many things I just cannot understand about myself.

My vocabulary's poor, both in English and Filipino. Every sensible English or Filipino teacher I've had must have noticed that.

I love my boyfriend, Amos Junius Lopez. We've been together for.. Wait, let me look at the calendar. Hmm. One year, four months, twenty-four days. I don't know how we did that, but we're still together. I don't know if we're going strong or anything, we're just going.

From Grade 5, until my Fourth Year in High School, I only had one Yahoo! account. Then, my boyfriend entered my life, then Boom! Goodbye gracy_ruby.

I love my friends. I don't want to hurt them in any way. So, whenever I see an imperfection about them, I would just shut up because I'm afraid I'd hurt them. But if they ask me if something's wrong with them, I'd say everything I could, because it's an opportunity to make them better. Whenever I'm mad at them, I would let time heal the pain. I don't want to argue, or get in a fight with them. But sometimes, fights are unavoidable, so we'll just make sure that it would not last long.

I have enough friends to be happy about, but I want more. What's happening today is in contrast of what I would want. My friends are slowly leaving me(Well, at least I feel like it, I hope it's not true!). And the reason for that is either college, and/or my boyfriend. It's sad, but true.

I love dogs. I have two dogs: Sandwich and Puffy. Sandwich is an 8 month Beagle. Sandwich is a Spoiled Brat! He bites everything, everything: this table, this laptop, this divider, my bones, the chairs. We still don't want to kill him, because we're hypnotized by his cuteness. Then, Puffy is a Japanese Spitz, and still living at 10 years old, or maybe 9? The point is, he's old. He's still cute because he's very puffy with his furs. I take care of him and I love him. We had 2 dogs when I was.. I don't know how old I was then. Their names were Spark, and Tiny. Spark is a very very very kind Labrador Retriever. That dog had an epilepsy! He would just randomly freeze, and it was scary! It was the cause of his death. Tiny was Spark's best friend. He's half Pomeranian Spitz and half Japanese Spitz. He's very brave! He would fight anyone who would approach Spark or my family. He killed himself after Spark died. I don't know how he killed himself, but my grandmother said he just stopped breathing, but I don't believe her.

I am not creative. I can't draw anything without a reference. If I were in the TV show, "SpongeBob SquarePants", I would probably be Squidward. I don't have any imagination. And that is why I do not belong to my course, and I should shift to Civil Engineering. I miss my Math.

I love Math! I'm such a nerd, I know. But I love it! Pretty much because I'm good at it. I'm not boasting, it's the truth. HAHA.

I want to understand how Jesus Christ saved us all. If someone could please tell me how, contact me(see above). I was thinking, maybe because He spread the Word of God! Oh my gosh, After three days of thinking, I just thought of that today, at this time.

I love my family, and I want my parents to change for the better. They're wasting their time and money for useless things. My sister is rude, and bossy, and annoying, but I love her because she gives me money, and buys me cool stuffs. My brother is so kind, and very very very kind. So, giving me stuffs is unnecessary for him. But once, he gave me an ipod nano, but I lost it. That Ipod was very close to my heart. Goodbye ipod! Thank you for the 20 days I've spent with you. (Yes, 20 days.)

This blog is long! I should stop now.
Bye.